MY DOPE CITY

On the 18^th of September (exactly 3 months today), I left all behind: family, friends and all have come to love and travelled down South to experience another side of life. It was with mixed feelings but I had to make that move all thanks to NYSC. Trying to get acquainted with my new environment, I noticed a lot of things and I’ll love to share them with you.

Ever heard of “obioma” (mobile tailors)? Well the ones here are actually diligent. You can see one clicking the blades of his scissors and walking down your street or close as early as 7:00 am. I remember a time while I was in Lagos; I waited outside my house for over an hour waiting and praying for an obioma to pass by…… but to no avail. In fact on the street I live here, they have their gossip spot (am pretty sure the gossip).

Unlike in Lagos or any other place where you have to drive-by several main roads to get to your destination; in this city there is just one endlessly long road. It’s the same old route even if I’m going to work church or visit a friend in any part of the city; before diverting to a minor-road which is usually your final stop. I remember while going for CDS (Community Development Service- NYSC thingy), I spent almost an hour on that road. Ok wait; I just discovered another main road- that makes two.

If you want to flow during the praise and worship session in church, you’ll need to have a handkerchief; cos when the worship leader raises a song in the local dialect, with the entire waist shaking if care is not taken you’ll become a spectator. In fact, I now know how to dance, even though I always forget to take my handkerchief along with me to church.

There’s no “danfo” (commercial buses) or”okada” (bikes), it’s either you own your car or you use the keke-napep (tricycle) or cabs. I prefer the former though ‘cos the cabs are rather unappealing. Another interesting fact is that you can negotiate with the driver on the amount you intend to pay. For some really stubborn drivers you can deal with them by holding the exact amount of money you won’t to pay, as against the exorbitant rates they might charge.

Thank God the rains are on sabbatical, it got to a point I thought we were all going to be swept away, but then I remembered God’s promise to Noah. Rubber shoes or sandals were the order of the day. You did not have to be reminded to always have your umbrella at hand; because you can decide to go buy sweets two houses away then the rain will make you stay out for almost two hours. Or is it the sun? ...... That’s gist for another day.

Not only is the nearest bank to my house about 30 minutes away, on getting there, I have to stay on queue for almost two hours before I can make any withdrawal. It’s not like the queue is always long, but the network can make you go crazy coupled with the fact that there are limited machines in the state. Also, some people can spend close to 20 minutes on the machine doing God knows what. I remember a day I had to make withdrawals from the counter and the queue was really long, after about an hour, it was almost my turn then this lady came and created a scene claiming to be on the queue. We all left her ‘cos we dint have the strength to argue.

On getting to the counter, she discovered she was at the wrong bank, I couldn’t contain my laughter. I live in Yenegoa - the state capital of Bayelsa, where do you live?